Contentment

My mother's fear was that I would never be satisfied. 

Today would have been her 72nd birthday (happy birthday mom).

And, here I sit missing her and wondering if I can find contentment. 

I'm 30 pounds over weight because I've been squashing my true feelings over the last 2.5 years if not longer with food. 

Growing up I was never allowed to find myself and be me. I had to be "perfect". I had to do the right things - stay out of trouble, be seen and not heard, do what I'm told, etc. 

I think after college and moving to Chicago I was making decisions for myself, but still trying to prove myself to my family.

This feeling that I am not good enough has never left me. Now that I'm 44 I'm wondering I'm wondering if I'm enough. And, if so who am I really. 

What is going to happen if I slow down and actually feel my feelings instead of drowning out my feelings. Will I come happier, healthier, stronger.

I have no idea, but I got to figure this out as I'm exhausted. 

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